Why are you a closet nerd? A case against victimhood.

Let me start with there will always be bullies, there will always be haters, there will always be oppressors, and their targets. So why do you allow them to connect with you that way?

What makes a person a bully, a hater, or an oppressor, is their ability to succeed at their actions. Once they have put you on the defense, they have won.

I went to the comic section of the book store, and someone who recognized me made a comment, so my reply was “And Spiderman is still cooler than you.” This is an example of reversing victimhood back on its oppressor.

Had I been wiser, back then, I would have said “What a waist of hot air.” and walked on, or asked what comic character they liked best. All of these refuse the actions of the bully, and focus on turning off their oppression.

However, some people still look forward to oppressing regardless. For them you have to assume that you should not argue, or suffer fools, and just ignore them as gnats. They are not worth your peace of mind. Remember, liberty and peace start between your ears. From there you can find that there is nothing that can truly oppress you.

Being a victim is nothing more than being the target of an attack, or fallout from another attack. It can be scary, massive, and traumatic. But being stuck in victimhood, is allowing all things that you have the ability to overcome, and let them overcome you.

The answers are not always violence, but it is always a clear head. Reserve violence for physical defense when you are being physically assaulted. But when you are being emotionally assaulted, when you are being demeaned, when you are being oppressed, then you are at your most well equipped. Those people who are there to belittle you, and oppress you are not worth your time or energy. You may say it makes you sad, but doesn’t sadness steal your energy? Are you not more tired when you are sad or depressed? Unless it is a hard medical condition, stop going there. I know it can be hard to let go of that habit, but you have to do it if you are going to stop being a victim.

When you equate your worth according to other peoples words, then you devalue yourself greatly. When you allow their verbal, or emotional attacks to strike you as if it were physical, then you are over valuing their words.

Take a sheet a paper and lay it on the floor. Drop an eating utensil on it. It may have one or more punctures, and some wrinkles. Do this experiment again, but this time yell at the paper, use hateful words. That paper isn’t cut, there are no new wrinkles in it. Is that paper stronger than you? Seriously, you can destroy that piece of paper, but it cannot do a thing to you, but even your words cannot affect it. So is that piece of paper stronger than you?

Now yell and insult that paper for every day of your life going forward. Let it remind you that you are greater than it. Let those hateful words that are directed towards you have no effect on you, just as they have no effect on that paper.

Happiness should never be relied upon from the outside. It must be decided upon from within. You must decide to be happy. You must decide to no rely on these people to steal that happiness from you. Happiness is not a thing that can be stolen, it is a thought, it is a thought that you can control. You must be the master of that thought.

My older brother once wrote a short story in High School, many decades ago. I don’t remember it exactly, so I will paraphrase that story.

There was a gloomy man who sat down for a cup of coffee. After he was served, and was paying his tab, then waitress seeing he was gloomy said “Cheer up it is a wonderful day”.

The man left a small card with his tip on the table.

When the lady cleared the table she read the card. “I am a clown, I am always cheerful.”

So was he actually cheerful? Did she misread his demeanor? I don’t know on the original story, but I do know that by my experience, I suspect that he had mastered what I could consider internal peace. But on the other hand, he could have been clowning around, to get people to reflect.

I interject this story to get you to think, is that person actually what he is expressing? Is that anti-nerd actually envious? Is that guy who shared the plumbers crack really hurting himself, and is hiding it? Or is he simply a hateful person what you should just ignore his actions, and don’t suffer his foolishness?

But your assaults may be from a crowd, and who wants to be the public fool? The big guy who gets ridiculed by a group of peers over his weight, what about him? I will not profess great wisdom here. I don’t know all of the points of knowledge that I would need to answer this. Even if I were there, I wouldn’t know what that person should do, I know what I would do. I would feel pity for the bullies, for their heart has already been judged against them. As a person who has been in that situation as a child, both as the target, and the bully, I can tell you now, I handled the target with violence. I found that a balled up fist was more than enough to end it on the 3rd attempt to bully me. And as the bully, my heart finally judged me, and I broke down first. I became as emotional as my target. And I still carry that wound.

Of you could say that I let up because I was a good person, I tell you now, no person can be counted as good, he is either amiable or not. The people who are the best of intensions have been known to do the worst evils, and the people with the worst intensions have done the best good. It is all in judgment and results. As a child my judgment sucked, and I was violent and vile at times, but I was also caring and compassionate at times. So how could I be good if I was both.

This is why it is so important to learn not to be stuck in victimhood, but overcome it. Take ownership of your deficiencies for the purpose of overcoming them. And remember, I am not calling anything of yours deficient, but when you are attacked, then that item that they are attacking you with is their perception of your deficiency.

I am fat. I am attacked for my fatness. I don’t care. I’m going to repeat that. I don’t care that I am attacked for my fatness. It doesn’t define my happiness. It doesn’t define me. What defines me is my heart, and my actions. I love teaching Christ, liberty and peace. I enjoy telling dry jokes, and writing code for web applications. Those define me. The instant that I am defined by my weight, or the perceptions of what people see of me, is the day that I allow my happiness to be stolen.

Don’t allow your happiness to be stolen.

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